You’ve been told that your student has a specific learning disability, ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, and/or dyscalculia.  Whether you’ve known this for a few days or have suspected a learning problem since pre-school, the likelihood is that you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re hearing all kinds of suggestions from well-meaning people, some based on nothing more than an inaccurate social media comment.

The most important advice is possibly the one that you may not have heard yet:

 Your son or daughter is not a walking learning disability. He is a wonderfully curious, bright and creative individual who is learning in a different way. She has strengths and gifts in much greater number than she has weaknesses. She is not a learning disabled student, but a student who happens to have a learning disability or another issue affecting her learning.

Sometimes a student’s most serious learning disability may have become their serious feelings of low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, which has grown to include not only school, but their life in general. Protecting and nourishing self-esteem is a critical component in all of your efforts to assist you student’s learning success.

For just a moment, picture yourself at an imaginary social gathering or meeting at work . You hear your supervisor say to another employee, within earshot of your co-workers, “Oh yes, Carol is our working-disabled employee. She needs extra help to learn new job skills and to finish her work on time. We learned about her disability last year and now we know what has been the problem all along.”

Can you imagine how you would feel?!  Substitute the words “learning” and “academic” in the right slots and you can quickly grasp the negative consequences of such an experience on a student of any age. Many students with learning disabilities hear such destructive comments on a regular basis, made by the very adults who want to help them succeed.

There is only one way to eliminate this problem: Never talk about your student’s learning difficulty with a neighbor, family member, tutor, or family doctor in front of your student and be sure this applies to phone conversations. Always include open, friendly and positive chats with your student and never have a public chat with others about them.  Be sure to never compare your child’s academic achievement with their  siblings, cousins or friends. Make it clear to teachers, grandparents, family friends and others that it is harmful to kids who experience any kind of learning problem to hear others talking about them.

Some habits can be included in daily interactions that contribute to the growth of positive feelings for all young people, not just those who experience learning difficulties. Here are some examples:

• Your son has brought home his weekly spelling test and out of 20 words he has missed 5. Let’s look again with different eyes. He also spelled 15 words correctly! How often would this student hear: “How many did you get WRONG this time?” rather than: “Wow, look at this….you got all of these RIGHT…especially this really hard one. Good for you!” Such a shift in perspective can be the very thing that gives him the courage to try to do his best every day.
• Developing outside interests is beneficial for all students, but is most helpful for lifting the self-confidence of those whose school experiences are often discouraging. Don’t go overboard and overwhelm your daughter with an exhausting daily after-school schedule; just give her the chance to try new things. With activities at community centers, after-school programs, public libraries, and youth groups of all kinds, this effort doesn’t have to be expensive.
• Girls and boys may enjoy camping, cooking, ceramics, swimming, painting, martial arts, sewing, guitar, horseback riding, drama, soccer, baseball, dance, choir, piano or creative writing…the list is endless.
• There is nothing more uplifting than feeling needed and appreciated. Volunteer work at the community food bank, library, animal rescue or nature center may be just the ticket for your middle or high school student.
• Building a solid foundation for future learning is vital for all young people to feel at home in the world. Find time to experience museums, aquariums, planetariums, nature preserves, historical parks and community fairs which will broaden your young person’s understanding of how things work. The result is greater self-confidence and better understanding of social studies, science, literature and also a stronger working vocabulary.

Last, but not least, just enjoy your children for the wonders that they are. Give them a chance for their gifts to shine through. Praise them ten times for each time you must make a critical remark. Let them know that you love them without strings attached to their math grades or book reports.

At those frustrating and discouraging moments, remember that sooner than we can imagine, the spelling tests and math papers will be years behind us. Remembering which words take “i before e” will probably not change anyone’s life. Believing that they are capable, likable and gifted, with many strengths, as well as feeling comfortable and confident in the world, will contribute to personal success and happiness for a lifetime.